The bodies of beautiful others

Even though I just started documenting my awareness of the comparing and self-body shaming I do, I’m seeing that often my attention is focused on the figures of other women, and I’m starting to realize this whole pattern has very little to do with them and everything to do with my own real emotional liberation.

Now that, in and of itself, is benign but it’s the cascade of thoughts associated with my observations. 

When Admiration Turns Into Body Shaming

For instance, last week, I noticed a very fit, slim, and beautiful waitperson at a restaurant where Ron and I were dining. My first thought was admiration – it’s incredible how poised and radiant she looked. 

But almost immediately, other thoughts followed: “I never look that good in slacks.” “My posture is so hunched.” “I wish I was more graceful.” It’s funny how quickly simple admiration turns into body shaming without me even noticing the switch happen.

As I noticed this spiral (because I’m now a detective for identifying and deconstructing my body shaming), they led to feelings of inadequacy and frustration with my own (aging) body. It’s wild how fast one small moment sets off an entire cascade of self-judgment before I’ve even finished my appetizer, a classic emotional trigger in real time.

When the Comparison Spiral Takes Over

Of course, it’s not just at restaurants. Walking down the street, scrolling through social media, even watching TV, everywhere, it feels like there’s a comparison waiting to be made. I see I often fixate on what my body “isn’t” and often let those comparisons dictate how I feel about myself.

And honestly, I end up feeling lonely in my own skin, which is a strange thing when I’m sitting across the table from Ron or surrounded by people.

With beauty images we see online everywhere I turn, I can see why the thoughts come so easily, even though I don’t like where they take me.

But here’s the thing: comparison is a thief. It robs us of appreciating our own unique strengths and beauty. Importantly, it distracts us from the joy of living in the present moment. I don’t want to waste any more energy on wishing to look like someone else when I can be celebrating myself. 

I’m beginning to think freedom from self criticism is simply letting another woman be beautiful without making myself the opposite.

Real Emotional Liberation Is Letting Her Be Beautiful

This isn’t easy, of course. Shifting these life-long ingrained habits requires taking a breath before reacting and self-compassion. So with this entry, I’m starting small in regard to this self-body shaming. When I catch myself comparing, I’ll work on gently redirecting my thoughts. Instead of sizing up myself in a comparison, I can treat myself with more kindness and focus on gratitude for what my own body does for me.

For example, when I find myself admiring someone else’s toned arms, instead of thinking, “I really need to work on the flab of my upper arms” I can go beyond the visuals and remind myself of the strength in my own arms – how they help me carry groceries, reach for something on the top shelf, or support myself in a push-up. 

Wow, that’ll take some getting used to as the visual comparisons are so ingrained! 

Learning a Little Self Compassion Along the Way

It feels weird in learning to treat myself with the kindness I easily extend to others.

At 69-ish, real emotional liberation does not feel like some grand arrival where I never have another self-critical thought. It feels more like catching one thought before it turns into an entire afternoon of picking myself apart.

Yet this “enforced” self-awareness in calling out myself could be the beginning of a meaningful step toward a more compassionate and balanced relationship with myself. Let’s see!

Maybe real emotional liberation is staying on my own side while someone else gets to be beautiful too.

Where do you stand with your impressions of your own body? Or maybe you’ve already made this journey and have some insights to offer? I invite you to drop down to the comments section and let me know!

With Love,
Becca

P.S. Self-compassion is a journey, and speaking of journeys, I’m hosting two short, affordable and potent retreats this May to help you deepen this practice and reconnect with yourself. Here are the details of these 3-day sacred medicine retreats. Email me with questions and I’ll answer you personally: Becca@EmotionalLib.org